May

On the 12th of May, my husband was born. I will focus on that for this one day of May. His 23rd birthday. I cannot, for my mind displaces that which is constant, with events that are pass and go. I had to call security for the first time. One of the kindest of horse-caretakers, we will call her linguine like the noodle). Linguine is bullied a bit here and I lack the nuance as to why. Today, linguine asked me, “did *barred individual* just come in here?” and yes they did. Linguine tells me of her experience with him, and what my next steps should be. I call security and they send one down. takes a while. anyway its resolved and I am not allowed to be nice anymore. Back to my husbands birthday. No not yet. My stomach holds the fear, the fear that I have not done my due diligence in whom is let into this secured area. I will do better. I won’t imagine everything that could go wrong. I’ll stop hovering over the idea that I can’t hold my own here. It sucks when you can feel people think that and then you feel crazy because capitalism can’t make much profit off someone who knows themselves, their power, and the intensity with which people feed off each other. I will not be one’s meal. I will allow my clueless nature to protect me from their unjust persecution. One whom willfully does wrong, and projects their unregulated experience likely has a sour time.